MiConfession

Some years ago, I found myself spiritually adrift. I was never NOT a Christian – I just no longer knew what that should look and/or feel like. Suddenly I could no longer trust that I knew Jesus.  So, I started searching for THE TRUTH.

I studied the word for myself. I started watching Christian television – seeking to find answers to a spiritual emptiness I could not explain. I thought there must be more…

During my quest, I agreed to go with a friend to a T. D. Jakes “Woman Thou Art Loosed breakfast.” Let me tell you that was an emotional event of startling proportions.

My previous church background was much more sedate. I had NEVER been around so much “whooping and hollering” in my life.  Too my untutored mind, it looked like religious mayhem, anarchy.

I remember thinking, “It DON’T take all that…”

BUT it made me wonder what in the world could transform calm well-spoken women to such a state of uninhibited chaos.  I had no idea it wasn’t what but – WHO.

God used the event to increase my hunger – I kept watching Christian television and studying the Word. (Matthew 5:6)

I started watching Benny Hinn’s program and I thought here’s a very curious minister. But he preached about the person of the Holy Spirit and I had never heard that before.  You’d think after decades in church I would have understood the role of the Holy Spirit in my life – but I did not have a clue.

At this point it had been a while since we had attended any church and I was hungry. But I knew not for what.

Some dear friends invited us to attend a Benny Hinn crusade. As I said, I had been watching Mr. Hinn, but I did not know what to expect at the conference. Yet, I knew God was behind the invite so I attended with expectation. (Psalm 37:23)

But how many of you know how difficult it is to receive in a service when you have small restless children who are very vocal about wanting to go home and play? After three long days of services and after seeing others around me being ‘touched’ by an undeniable something – I was feeling frustrated.

I was disappointed and hurt because it looked like I would be leaving with nothing from God. I felt as if God had given everyone something but me…

As the closing prayer was reaching its end – I lifted my eyes and in my heart I cried –  “Lord, don’t let me leave here without a touch from you.”

Suddenly, my hands began to tremble, I felt heat rush through my body and I was hot all over. I began to speak in a heavenly language. (Acts 2:4)

Even now, I can’t believe I never saw that it is Jesus who baptizes with the Holy Spirit and Fire. (Matthew 3:11)

Oh, I know people will say – it’s not about a feeling, it’s about relationship.

But who has ever had a relationship where they did not FEEL.

I am a living witness – it DOES take all that.